is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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