well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
