how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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