"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
