I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
