i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
