it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize