I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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