go do what you do best...puke behind churches
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
