My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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