He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize