this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
