WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
