I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
