Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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