I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
