just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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