we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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