Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
