it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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