I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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