Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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