i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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