she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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