I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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