kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have feelings that need drinking.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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