Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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