so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
did i walk over a car last night?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Drunk is not a location!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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