when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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