We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
