So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
