I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
