I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
