So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
