Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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