i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
