I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
