You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
