I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
