i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
