i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
