I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Text me some of your sweat
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
