so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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