tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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