i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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