I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize