It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
