Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
