Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize