i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
