just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
