Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize