do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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