I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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