i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
