the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
