mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
