Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
