I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
