Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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