I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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