i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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