dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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