I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
