I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
