i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
