On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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