somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize