Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
