Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
