im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
