i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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