i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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