update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
