I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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