Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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