fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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