Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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