I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
