did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
