dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
