never play flip cup with pint glasses
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
