I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
