I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
