I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
