i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
