Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
