he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
