planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
