Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
