i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize