Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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