The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
did i walk over a car last night?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
