Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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