know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
two words...techno handjob
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
