I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
