Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
