my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
