i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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