What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
