I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
